Rein On All Fronts

By Charles Rein

When is National Anger Day?

It was the 26th of June.

I missed it! I am ticked off. I am peeved! Wait, you never heard the word 'peeved' before? You're laughing!?

Wait! You're not supposed to laugh. Lol! This is supposed to be about anger!

Johnny Cash sang:

Love is a burning thing
And it makes a fiery ring
Bound by wild desire
I fell into a ring of fire.

Mr. Cash could have as well been speaking about anger when he sang of "The ring of fire, the ring of fire."

Have you ever experienced his "fiery emotion"? It's one feeling most of us have experienced at some time. It's a natural emotion, but like Cash's song, can get out of control.

It can affect relationships. It stop you from hearing another other side, robbing you of information to make an informed decision. It can cause friction between a spouse and a child or between longtime neighbors and friends. Some speculate that it can even affect your health and be the cause of some diseases, all because we cannot control it.

My own personal experience when I recently attended a small Home Owners Association (HOA) meeting where tempers flared between the two (seemingly) male alpha dogs. We'll call them Ebony and Ivory. And no, unlike the song, they "...didn't live together in perfect harmony..." While the meeting did end nearly on time, the vice president 'alpha dog' left after a shouting match with the 'alpha dog' president. This happened before the meeting was over. As 'Ebony' left, he slammed the door behind, threatening to "get a lawyer." He fumed walking home alone, leaving his wife to remain at the meeting.

Luckily, he didn't return 15 minutes later like some disgruntled 1980's mailman "packing heat." But hey, in this day and age, you never know!

I've spent the last few years trying to understand why opposing groups think the way they do. While both sides at the HOA meeting believed they were Alpha, in reality the bickering came across as Beta (not Alpha), according to strongman and Youtuber.

The first Youtuber's book is tiitled "Non Violent Communication'" by Marshall Rosenberg. He's the author of more than sixty books while I haven't published even one!

Here's an 11 minute video:

https://youtu.be/DgaeHeIL39Y?si=_-lOG9oICSnZK-R-

Marshall says our feeling and our needs are tied together. For example, in a meeting between Palestinians and Israelis years ago, one frustrated Palestinian leader asked, "Does it bother you people to be acting like Nazis?"

Helpful tip on Negotiation. Don't refer to the other side as "acting like a Nazi."

Suddenly an insulted Israeli woman jumped up and loudly announced, "I should have known better than them to come to this meeting. That was a totally insensitive thing for you to say." Then, she started for the door and Marshall continued, "We hardly had two sentences and we are already worse off than when we began."

Have any of your meetings felt that way? At least at the HOA, no one said the other was behaving like Nazis.

How was the problem solved?

Marshall responded, "My role there was to help each connect at the 'need' level. NI knew what (the Palestinian leader) was reacting to. He was reacting to the law that allowed people to be put into prison for six months on suspicion.

Marshall empathized with the man with calmly saying, "You're needing some understanding of how your need for safety isn't met with that law"...and then Marshall helped the woman to hear that. That's a different connection than when she's hearing, that "she's acting like a Nazi." Marshall finished off by saying, "I help people speak a language of life, which is closer to the truth."

Now anyone who thinks that this perspective is said by an acedemic weakling and not from a person from a position of strength is simply incorrect.

I urge them to take a look at another youtube clip where Marshall's book was mentioned, "Win Arguments like an Alpha Male" by Elliott Hulse. His muscular physique reminds me of the hulk and his facebook states: "Christ is King... protect the family." He's a professional strongman and strength coach known for his YouTube fitness channel called Elliott Hulse's Strength Camp.

Here's his short approximately six minute video clip where he speaks of the difference between aggression and assertiveness, between a beta and alpha mail.

https://youtu.be/qT4bWsf4ZAY?si=sU45h4v5fLxuDyRY

Both videos feature two different youtuber styles. This information can help your future meetings run smoothly but also make sure each person feels heard without the need to put up a sign, 'Gun free zone.'

When powerful beings clash, it is the people that are injured. It may benefit us to remember the eloquent African proverb: "When two elephants fight, it is the grass that suffers."