Nuacht Aoir
Zombie Territory In Grant County
Part Three
It may be difficult to see, but there appears to be a group of Zombies near the eleventh tree from the right, three rows of trees from the top, in the Gila Wilderness in Grant County. (The photograph was produced by Jessie Jobs and provided courtesy of the United States Fish and Wildlife Service.)
In October of 2023, Nuacht Aoir detailed that the Federal government has decreased the size of Grant County – that part of Grant County has disappeared.
The loss of land in Grant County was troubling to many, but leaders of the United States of America indicated that the loss was an opportunity for the nation to help an ethnic group that has borne the brunt of systemic discrimination for generations in this country.
Nuacht Aoir was able to report – exclusively – at that time that the Borough of ei-Zombiestan was created in the northern section of what was once considered part of Grant County.
The Borough of ei-Zombiestan is under the direct control of the Federal government.
This new governmental entity was created from lands that had been previously included in the Aldo Leopold Wilderness of the Gila National Forest.
As Nuacht Aoir disclosed in 2023, an Executive Order was issued by President Joseph (Joe) Biden. In this Executive Order, the President transferred 268.8 acres of land from the jurisdiction of the U S Department of Agriculture to oversight by the U S Department of Homeland Security.
"Our Great Leader – President Joe Biden – made the decision to grant self-determination that had been long-sought by the Zombie ethnic group," was a quote provided by a top official of the Biden-Harris Administration in an off-the record interview with Nuacht Aoir in October last year. "Land that was formerly part of Grant County has been set aside for the ZLAFC – the ei-Zombie-ei ei-Liberation-ei ei-And-ei ei-Freedom-ei ei-Coalition-ei."
(As noted in Part One, we have learned that Zombies add an "ei" to the beginning and the end of every word translated from ei-Zombie-ei – the official language of the Zombie ethnic group – to American English.)
Nuacht Aoir is now able to continue its exclusive reporting on what has transpired during the past year regarding the ZLAFC and the Borough of ei-Zombiestan.
While few in southwest New Mexico may have noticed the Zombies in their midst, the impact has been gruesome. Unconfirmed reports indicated that non-brain human "elements" have been found in the wilderness.
A total of eight individuals from the U S Department of Homeland Security detail that brought the initial group of Zombies to Grant County "volunteered" (according to a statement issued by The White House in 2023) to stay and join the Zombie ethnic group.
No other officials from the U S Department of Homeland Security have "volunteered" to enter the Borough of ei-Zombiestan since that initial visit.
"I was offered the liaison position between the Borough of ei-Zombiestan and the Federal government," said "Thom," an official with the U S Department of Homeland Security who asked to remain anonymous. "I politely declined and then took a position where I inspect minefields with potential unexploded armaments."
"I'm not stupid," Thom continued. "I'd rather take my chances walking through a minefield than meeting with officials of the Borough of ei-Zombiestan. None of my colleagues – not one – has been willing to take that position."
The mayor of one city – who also asked that they remain anonymous – confirmed that local officials discussed establishing a sister city relationship with the Borough of ei-Zombiestan.
"Top officials with the U S Department of Homeland Security came to us with the idea that we could work together with the Zombies to encourage their participation in American cultural activities," the anonymous mayor stated. "During that meeting, one of the officials from the Biden-Harris Administration accidentally dropped a file folder on the floor."
"A couple dozen photos fell out of that folder," the anonymous mayor continued. "What we saw – me and members of our city council – were photos of Zombies eating that initial contingent from the U S Department of Homeland Security. The photos were graphic."
The anonymous mayor added, "I'm not a wuss, but those Zombies are disgusting. They seemed to take delight in eating fresh brains. Not my cup of tea."
While that mayor and city council declined to establish a sister city relationship with the Borough of ei-Zombiestan, the anonymous mayor did indicate that the local law enforcement officials in that city were intrigued by the idea of establishing a corrections institution – a prison – in the Borough of ei-Zombiestan.
"Our police chief thought it might solve several problems we have," the anonymous mayor said. "We could transfer any inmates that were causing us problems or costing us money to the Borough of ei-Zombiestan. A few members of our city council liked the idea as well. After all, we'd be able to reallocate funds earmarked for justice for more important projects – like providing new government vehicles every year to members of the city council and adopting pension reforms where members of the city council were guaranteed 150% of the average income of the highest 10% of wage earners in the community with the highest median income in the U S."
"The discussion ended, though, when one of the city council members noted that members of our law enforcement would need to escort the prisoners to the Borough of ei-Zombiestan," the anonymous mayor continued. "Even the chief of police indicated that no one in the department would be prepared to escort the prisoners to Grant County."
The anonymous mayor did indicate that a second member of that city council mentioned that maybe members of the police department could escort the prisoners to just outside the borders of the Borough of ei-Zombiestan, leave the prisoners there, and run.
"I had to remind that second council member about the photos that we had just seen," the anonymous mayor stated. "Our police officers would be unlikely to be able to run fast enough to evade meeting the Zombies. The police chief concurred. That really ended our discussions."
"The members of the U S Department of Homeland Security left disappointed," the anonymous mayor continued. "They stated that our city had been selected because…Well, I'm not allowed to say because of the Patriot Act."
No one from the Biden-Harris Administration was able to confirm details of the selection of that specific city.
In addition, no one from The White House has yet confirmed any official expansion of the Borough of ei-Zombiestan.
In October of 2023, Nuacht Aoir reported that The White House planned a "forward-thinking approach" that would involve substantial expansion of the Borough of ei-Zombiestan into additional territory now within Grant County as well as a large section of Catron County.
While there may not have been an official decision to extend the boundaries of the Borough of ei-Zombiestan, it does appear that the Zombies have – on their own – expanded their "living area" to include sections of the Gila Wilderness of the Gila National Forest.
A local rancher summed up the situation by stating that the Zombies are just like the wolves brought into the region by the Federal government: "Zombies are similar to wolves. Neither seem to recognize boundary lines."
As the plans of the ZLAFC evolve, count on Nuacht Aoir to report additional facts to the people of southwest New Mexico.
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