Editor-

"On November 19, 2021, President Biden was sedated while undergoing a routine colonoscopy. The procedure was conducted at Walter Reed National Military Medical Center in Bethesda, Maryland." — The Chronicles of Grant County, Richard McDonough, The Grant County Beat, Oct. 30, 2024.
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Previously, I had no idea why the country was so screwed up. However, with Mr. McDonough's explanation of President Joe's colonoscopy procedure back in 2021, the reasons have become obvious — Joe's plugged up on both ends.

Now, I have a better understanding of the difficulties Kamala, acting as President for 85 minutes, must have endured during that tumultuous short period of time. As the first female to officially preside behind the Resolute Desk, the pressures were enormous, in addition to historic.

Not only is Kamala the first Asian American and the second Black American to occupy the Presidential Office, she is — possibly — the only person ever to have done so while the President was temporarily out of the office having the inside of his butt examined.

Surely, this brief exposure to power and fame only enhanced Kam's thoughts of ascension to the throne. Perhaps, that was the exact time she thought "If Joe's diminishing brain functions do not cause him to step down, or he isn't indicted along with his son, maybe making an ass of himself will?"

Apparently, Democratic bosses concurred and later removed Joe from future Presidential campaigns.

Fortunately, with the advancement of technology and Cologuard Test Kits, future Presidents can continue to conduct important cabinet meetings while discretely gathering fecal samples from their intestines.

It's a much simpler procedure than walking over to Bethesda Hospital. Simply have Jill hand a Secret Service Agent a baggie of Joe's poop. The agent will pack and box it and call UPS for a pickup. A UPS delivery driver will shortly arrive, thank Jill for the parcel, and return it to a UPS Center where it will be sent on its way to a Cologuard screening facility.

Joe, or Kamala, will never have to leave the White House, the uninterrupted safety of the country will not be jeopardized, and no emergency United Nations meetings will be necessary to resolve international disputes inflicted by aggressive intestinal polyps.

It's a win-win for everyone. Unless, of course, Hitler — disguised as Donald Trump — takes the Oath of Office on Jan. 20.

Then, he may issue an Executive Order requiring everyone to eat McDonald's fries — a possible precursor to a Cologuard test.

Luckily, Kamala's background as a McDonald's fry cook, will enable her to expertly supervise preparation of the delicacy.

That is, if she accepts Trump's offer as the new Secretary of Fast Foods and Carbonated Beverages.

Mike Bibb
Safford, AZ